It's all too much
by oldmule
Summary: Picking up from that moment end of 9.8 again! Harry returns to the grid directly after Lucas has fallen and sees Ruth.


**I know we've all done this to death and I know I said no fanfic for a month but it's amazing how lying on a beach gives you ideas!

* * *

**

All they had heard was a report of a body falling from the Enver Tower. They all assumed it was Harry's.

Lucas was a traitor, had taken Albany and pushed Harry to his death. They were lost.

Ruth was overwhelmed with emotions she had held back for so long. He was gone and she'd never be able to tell him how she felt.

Beth, Alec and Dimitri were back on the grid. No one knowing quite what they should do. The only thing they could do was keep watching for Lucas, if he hadn't already disappeared under the radar forever.

The pod doors swished open.

"Harry!" exclaimed Dimitri and they all turned and stared. Ruth froze at the sound and then slowly turned to see the familiar figure. She didn't know what she was feeling right now, she had been through the emotional wringer and felt almost incapable of anything more.

"You're alive," said Tariq unnecessarily.

"Your head" said Beth, aware of the cut.

"I'm fine," he said and wearily walked to his office.

They watched as he slumped into his chair and turned away from them dropping his head into his hands.

The door slid open.

"Harry?"

It was Ruth.

He did not move, he did not look up.

"He jumped. He told me to turn around and then he jumped."

"I thought I'd lost you," was all she said but so quietly it wasn't even clear if he had heard it.

"I've lost Albany, I've lost my job, in all probability, and I've lost Lucas."

"You should have let me die, Harry, then they would all be safe."

He said nothing but shook his head.

"It would have been better"

"Better for who, Ruth?"

"For everyone, Harry."

He glanced briefly up at her, "No, not better for me."

It was enough for Ruth to glimpse the gash on his forehead, it looked deep.

"Here, let me see your cut," she said and he obediently lifted his head.

She studied it, "You'll live," she said and found her eyes drifting across his face, the face she knew so well, the face, the life she thought she had lost and she felt the overwhelming need to treasure him, to treasure this face. Her hand ran delicately down from the right hand side of his forehead to his cheek and rested there, her thumb gently stroking him.

His eyes had remained downcast but now he looked up at her. And in that moment it was all too much for Harry Pearce, today had been far too much.

"It's too much, Ruth," was all he said before a tear began to roll down his face and across her thumb.

Ruth didn't think, she didn't analyse, she just did what she would have done with anyone who looked so lost and so downcast. She pulled his head towards her chest and like a small child comforted him. His hands clung to her waist and she felt a sob wrench through him. And for once neither of them thought, or cared, or worried, they were just together.

Eventually she felt Harry calm a little and his hands loosen around her. She gently pulled her hands away from his head and stepped back a little. He didn't look at her.

"I need a drink," he said and got up turning straight to the drinks cabinet. "Want one?"

"Yes, I think I do," she answered and perched on the corner of his desk.

"Albany's not real, Ruth. It doesn't work. So you needn't worry about thousands of deaths on your conscience, nor on mine, though there are already more than enough on mine."

He turned now with the two glasses and saw it was Ruth's turn to cry. She was leant on his desk her head bent and tears streaming. He crossed to her.

She roughly wiped her face and took the drink, flinging down its contents without pause.

"Another?" he asked.

She nodded.

As he began to refill her glass he heard her sniff.

"I love you , Harry."

The whiskey stopped mid pour. He didn't move.

"Say that again, Ruth?"

She sniffed again, "It was hard enough the first time."

He turned, his heart racing and his breath quickened.

"Please."

"I love you."

"You don't need to say it out of gratitude, Ruth."

"Gratitude?"

"For making the deal, for swapping Albany for you."

Harry, I'm not saying it out of gratitude, or obligation, or requirement, I'm saying it because it should have been said long ago. I've heard it in my head for as many years as I care to remember and I've never said it, until now... twice."

Harry said nothing. A time passed.

"You need to tell the team about Albany. You need to give them their respect back."

Harry nodded, "you tell them."

Ruth turned away.

"Ruth."

She paused.

"You know how I feel don't you?"

"Yes, Harry, I think you've made that pretty clear," she smiled and closed the door.

Through the window of his office Harry saw Ruth speaking to the team and though the glass he felt their relief. They glanced back towards him but he turned away swilling back the whiskey.

Ruth sat at her desk, wondering what to do. Her phone rang.

"Hello"

"I do love you, Ruth."

"I know," she smiled.

"I just needed to say it."

"Well, that's good. It's only taken you four years."

"Four years for you to hear it, but every day I've said it."

He put the phone down and they gazed at each other across the grid as they had so often.


End file.
